A contractor orders 2 men to dig a 100 foot ditch.  Each digger is to receive £50.   One end of the ditch is hard ground for which the pay is £1.25 a foot.  The other end is soft ground for which the pay is £0.75 a foot.  How many feet must each man dig to get exactly £50?

On the importance of punctuation...

The Tsarina was having an affair with the cavalry captain.  The Tsar found out.  He sent a message to the captain's commanding officer, ordering the captain to the front in Siberia.  The CO pleaded for clemency saying that, notwithstanding the affair, the captain was an exceptional officer, and asking for leniency.  The Tsar replied:

'Pardon impossible, to be sent to Siberia'.

His missus intercepted the note and changed it to:

'Pardon, impossible to be sent to Siberia'

The captain lived to be rude with numerous other chapesses.